I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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