we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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