they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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