i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
