i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
