my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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