I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
