You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
