Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
