the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
