I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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