oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
