come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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