I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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