i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize