I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
