and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
