Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize