I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
