she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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