Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
