That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
