Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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