I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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