this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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