I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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