I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i need some magic done to my vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I enjoy the company of your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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