There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
