Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
