I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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