only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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