Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
