I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
