I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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