I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
