i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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