We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
