So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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