he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
