I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
