The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
