your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
