The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
