Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
