dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
