You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
