Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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