Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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