Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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