i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
