I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
