Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
