Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
