1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
