she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
