god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
