i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
