saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I see more hoeing in ur future
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