i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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