Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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