2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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