So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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